Captain Stellar Read online

  “This is why I asked you to move in with me last year,” Jin explained. “If we move in together, we’ll see each other more.”

  “Yeah, I guess, but-”

  “Cal, when will you commit to something?” Jin asked. “You dropped out of college two years ago to become a blogger or a photographer or something-”

  “Freelance photographer,” Cal retorted. “And I’m still building my portfolio.”

  “Whatever. I don’t understand how you have time to take photos with all the hours you work in construction.” Jin adjusted his glasses.

  “Becoming a famous photographer who travels the world is an investment. I need money for equipment and editing software and all that.”

  “All I’m saying is, move in with me. You could take the L to work. We can spend more time together. What are you so afraid of?”

  “Give me time to think about it,” Cal replied.

  Jin exhaled. “I thought a year was plenty of time, but fine.”

  “Can we talk about something else? I’m exhausted.” Cal shifted uncomfortably. Jin’s insistence on moving in together was relentless. The next step was a leap he wasn’t ready to take, and he felt like a crappy boyfriend for that. Moving in together would be a big step, a scary one that came with a whole new set of responsibilities that Cal didn’t think he could handle. He could barely show up to work on time and his mom still made him lunch most days. How was he going to take care of Jin and himself?

  * * *

  Jin tapped Cal’s hand with his fingers. His parents had not approved of their relationship when Cal was studying to become an architect, and they had approved even less when they found out their son’s boyfriend became a college dropout. What horrified Jin’s parents the most was that their son, who they believed should be obedient in all things, did not care they didn’t approve of Cal. Jin felt like quite the rebel. David and Jane Park had come to Chicago from a small Korean village for the American dream and a better life for their son and daughter. They didn’t realize that Jin’s dream of a better life was to have a handsome boyfriend and to become a pharmacist.

  “Jin?” Cal interrupted his thoughts. He took his hand and held onto it this time. “Thanks for waiting for me today.” He looked into Jin’s eyes.

  Jin shrugged, trying not to get drawn into Cal’s intense blue stare. “I’m used to it by now.”

  An older balding man with a rough gravelly voice called over to the waitress, “Hey, Louise, since when do you guys serve fairies and Chinese at this diner?”

  Cal’s face turned red. “What the hell?” He gaped at his boyfriend.

  “C’mon, you can take that old man,” Jin joked, more accustomed to dealing with bullies than his boyfriend. “You’re, what, 6’4” and you lift heavy things all day at work.”

  “I’m 6’2”,” Cal corrected. “And I don’t want to fight anyone.”

  “No, you want to run away. Like you do whenever anything gets tough.”

  Cal’s jaw dropped. He pulled a wad of cash out of his wallet and covered the entire bill with a large tip for the waitress. “I’ve heard enough tonight.”

  “Damn suburbia,” Jin rolled his eyes. Typical Cal. Won’t stand up for himself when he should. He wondered why he put up with Cal sometimes, but he always found a way to be charming. Cal was a good man; he even tipped that judgmental waitress more than she deserved. “And now you’re leaving me here alone, again.”

  Cal stood and stormed out of the restaurant before Jin or the old man could say anything else.

  Chapter 3

  “Oh, you’re on time today, for once in your damn life. Good,” Miller, Rick’s self-proclaimed assistant, sneered at Cal when he entered the construction site the next morning. “I need you to inspect the ground level, while I check the second level.”

  Cal ignored the scowl on Miller’s face and relaxed his shoulders, thankful to work on the ground. He was shaky with heights, and he had been fortunate to not have tasks on the upper levels so far. He figured his lucky streak would end eventually, but today was not that day.

  “Sure.” Cal took the flashlight that Miller offered.

  “I have to set up the ladder and get it secure before I head up. You need me to hold your hand and explain anything to you?” Miller jabbed.

  “Dude, what’s your problem?” Cal crossed his arms. The fight he had with Jin at Rosie’s Diner last night replayed in his mind. He still felt awful about how their meal had ended, storming off like an idiot just because Jin had hit a nerve. The last thing he needed this morning was Miller prodding at him.

  Miller shook his head, grinning. “I wonder why a pretty boy like you is working in such a dangerous and dirty job. Don’t want you to break a nail.”

  Cal took in a long breath, his palms sweaty. He stayed silent.

  “Got nothing, huh?” Miller chuckled. “Didn’t think so, pansy.”

  Cal wanted to find the nearest exit and leave. As he had said to Jin last night, he didn’t want to fight anyone, but…

  “Let’s get to work, Miller.” Cal did his best to sound firm, but his voice shook like a scared teenager.

  Miller narrowed his eyes when he saw Rick approach and left to fetch a ladder.

  “Busy gossiping? Get busy working, Bolden,” Rick ordered as he continued to walk along the perimeter of the site.

  “Yes, sir.” It was easier to act as if nothing had happened. Rick would side with Miller if he told him about what he had said. Besides, he didn’t believe in snitching. Miller was tall but scrawny with small hands. Cal imagined himself knocking him out with one punch to the jaw which made him feel better.

  As Miller climbed the ladder, Cal began his ground-level inspection, flashlight in hand. He had a checklist but he couldn’t see it too well; it was a dark morning, the clouds dull and gray. Cal squinted at the list just when raindrops started pelting his hands and arms.

  “Miller? It’s raining. Head down,” Rick called out. Cal knew he didn’t want them inspecting during a potential storm. The structure was without a roof and had limited space to walk on the second level.

  All at once, the sky opened and it started pouring. Thunder clapped in the distance. Cal’s drenched uniform clung to his skin. He glanced at the ladder as Miller began a downward climb.

  Miller took slow steps, his boots squeaking on each rung.

  “C’mon, Miller, get moving. I don’t want you getting hit by lightning.” Rick clapped his hands.

  Miller turned to Rick and his foot slipped on the rung. He fell from the second floor and screamed the entire fourteen-foot drop until his body hit the concrete with a deafening thud.

  Cal froze, heart pounding in his ears. Miller’s fall had happened so fast yet seemed to last forever. He stared at Miller’s body on the ground, his boots glued to the concrete, wondering if he was dead.

  “Someone call 911!” Rick shouted. “Goddamnit!”

  A fellow worker grabbed his cell phone and called for help. Men from other parts of the site swarmed the scene, yelling and commotion ensuing.

  “Back up guys, give him some room. Those goddamn paramedics better hurry their asses up.” Rick wiped sweat from his forehead.

  Cal jumped when sirens blared as the ambulance arrived. He felt out of sync with time itself, perceiving events either in slow motion or going too fast. Helpless, he watched the paramedics assess Miller and gingerly place him on the stretcher. He admired the determination in their eyes as they worked together to help a man they did not know.

  “Hey, you think he’s gonna make it?” one worker asked after the ambulance was gone.

  Rick shook his head. “How the hell should I know? What I do know is my ass will be on the line for having you guys work in the rain.”

  It continued to shower but with less intensity. Cal shivered from the cold drops on his skin. He tried not to think about what would have happened if Miller hadn’t insisted on inspecting the second level. He was always a show-off, trying to impress Rick and stay in his good
graces. If only Miller realized how little Rick cared for him as a human being.

  “What are you looking at, Bolden?” Rick snapped. “Not a word to anyone about this. Leave the witness statements to me.” He turned to the rest of the group. “You’re dismissed!”

  Cal handed in his clipboard and flashlight. He didn’t want the other guys to notice his hands shaking, so he rushed to leave. Reaching the bus stop, he sat on a covered bench next to an elderly man reading a worn copy of the Bible. He closed his eyes.

  Miller’s foot slipping from the rung. A thud on the concrete. The new echo in Cal’s head.

  Turning his focus to something happier, he recalled that Nessa’s party was that night. It would be the perfect opportunity to drink heavily, to keep the accident from haunting him the rest of the day. If their roles had been reversed, he doubted Miller would have cared one bit for his well being. Cal was worried, but there was nothing he could do to help.

  The bus pulled up, letting off dark smelly fumes, and screeched to a halt. Cal gestured for the older man to go ahead of him, who responded with a kind smile and a deep nod. He settled in the back, slumping into the hard seat, and wrestling with what he’d seen.

  Chapter 4

  Later that evening, Cal made his way to Gracie’s Piano Bar for Nessa’s 22nd birthday party. He was running a few minutes late but the beauty of the city distracted him, so he took his time walking from the bus stop. Stomping over the grates in the sidewalk, he soaked in the bright lights of the signs hanging over the bars and restaurants.

  He loved River North in the summer, watching people dine outdoors. Their conversations and laughter were a pleasant reminder of good times after the horror of Miller’s fall. The laughter reminded him of Nessa’s infectious giggle. He pictured her when they were fifteen, sitting next to each other in Spanish class. They shared good times, trading vocab flashcards and quizzing each other, but his mind went to a darker place as he thought back on a day he wanted to forget.

  …Cal sketched in his notebook, waiting for class to start. He looked around the room checking to see if anyone noticed what he was drawing. No one paid attention; they were either concerned about their hair or complaining about the latest football game. He heard one of the guys groan how unfair a ref’s call had been last night. Cal let out a sigh of relief, which a redhead cheerleader interrupted.

  “What are you drawing?” Jessie tapped his arm, a slight pink in her cheeks. She craned her neck to peek at his notebook.

  Cal hugged the journal to his chest. “It’s nothing, just a sketch. I do these when I’m bored.”

  The redhead leaned closer. “C’mon, let me see. I bet you’re an amazing artist.”

  “I’m not that good. Kinda better with a camera, but-”

  The glossy side of the notebook slipped out of his hands and onto the floor.

  “Don’t be so modest.” The cheerleader bent to pick it up. “I’m sure…it’s…great.”

  She looked at the notebook and her eyes widened as she took in the sketch: a very detailed tribute to Mr. Suarez, their classically handsome Spanish teacher. He stood out from the other teachers, in his mid-thirties with dark eyes paired perfectly to his trimmed beard. Almost every girl had a crush on him, but she had no idea Cal did, too.

  “What the hell?” She flung the notebook back at Cal. “Are you gay or something?” she demanded, her voice echoing off the white brick walls.

  “So what?” Cal’s blush deepened. He cleared his throat. “Who cares if I am?” his voice quivered.

  The other students in the room snapped from football to hearing the word “gay.”

  “Dude, you are way too good at basketball to be gay,” a jock laughed.

  The students murmured among themselves and laughter filled the classroom.

  Sweat trickled down Cal’s spine. This was not how he planned on coming out. The goal was to coast through high school with no one knowing.

  “Cal likes Mr. Suarez. You know, like likes him,” Jessie teased in a singsong voice.

  “Cal is gay. Cal is gay. Cal is gay,” a few students chanted.

  “Stop!” A slender girl with long tight braids and dark brown skin stood.

  Everyone listened, surprised that she had spoken.

  “You all better stop before Mr. Suarez gets here.” She glared at them. “Shut up about Cal. Or else.”

  She stared down Jessie who looked away, her freckled skin blotchy.

  Cal glanced at Nessa, the quiet girl he had never noticed before, and smiled. She gave Cal a wide grin just as Mr. Suarez entered a silent classroom.

  He returned his focus to the present, jolted by the honk of a taxi cab horn. He stepped into the piano bar and scanned the bustling crowd for Nessa.

  “Cal! Get yourself over here!” She waved her arms in the air.

  He pushed his way through the sweaty crowd, trying not to knock into servers carrying trays with shots of various fluorescent colors.

  “Happy Birthday, Nessa.” Cal squeezed her.

  “Wait. Where’s Jin?”

  “He’s studying, as usual.”

  Nessa laughed. “Well, you gotta let him study. It wasn’t easy for him to get into pharmacy school. And I’m sure his parents don’t let him forget how expensive it is.”

  “Yeah, but he never has time for fun anymore. We fought at dinner last night because I haven’t moved in with him yet.” Cal rubbed the back of his head.

  Nessa gave him a look. “And why haven’t you?”

  “Why can’t things stay the way they are? We’re happy going on dates and meeting up. Why complicate it by living together?”

  “You and Jin are not your parents, you know. Sometimes you have to take things to the next level, or they get stale and die.”

  “Maybe my parents’ divorce freaked me out when it happened, but that was years ago. This is different. I’m just not ready to live with someone, not yet.”

  “I get you, but if we wait and wait and wait to do the scary things until we think we’re ready, we’ll never do them. Just saying,” Nessa patted his forearm, glancing up to check if he was listening.

  “Can we change the subject for now?” Cal motioned to a server passing out shots to a bachelorette party. “I’m getting wasted tonight. Drinks on me.”

  “Listen. I don’t wanna get drunk tonight. I’ve got a test tomorrow afternoon.” Nessa turned to her boyfriend, Dayvon, who wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Dayvon wasn’t as tall as Cal, but he was broad and built like a football player even though he had never played the game. He had wanted to become a lawyer since he was twelve, and he assumed football would give him brain damage from all the hits to the head.

  “Jesus, you too, Nessa?” Cal looked over at Nessa’s boyfriend. “You’re not gonna let me drink alone, right?

  Dayvon chuckled. “I’ll do a couple shots with you.”

  “Now we’re talking!” Cal walked to the server and bought her tray off her.

  “Let’s do this.” Cal handed Dayvon a neon blue shot and Nessa a green one. He kept a purple one for himself while the dueling piano players pounded out a 90’s pop song, competing with the crowd for dominance.

  “This is the only one for me,” Nessa warned him. “I can’t go into that Criminal Law exam a mess.”

  “Whatever.” Cal downed his first shot of the night. “You only turn twenty-two once.”

  “Gotta mingle.” She put the empty glass back on Cal’s tray before flitting off into the crowd.

  Cal and Dayvon gulped two more shots together before Dayvon went to find Nessa. Cal felt the room spinning when he stood, but he ignored the dizzying sensation. The sound of the dueling piano players grated on him and he craved a burst of fresh air. The bar was closing on him as conversations and laughter grew louder. A young woman wearing a pink tank top with “Bridesmaid” printed across the chest bumped into Cal and laughed. Her light tap nearly knocked him over, he was so unsteady on his feet.

  “Nessa, I’ll be outside!” he calle
d, pointing at the door.

  She followed him and Dayvon took Nessa’s hand as they walked behind Cal.

  “I fucking love this city,” Cal slurred when they stepped into the cool air outside. “It’s just perfect.”

  “It may seem perfect, but it’s not without its flaws.” Nessa looked around for a bench for Cal to sit before he fell on the sidewalk.

  “New York is better,” Dayvon declared.

  Cal raised his eyebrows.

  “I’m just saying. It’s bigger, and everything happens in New York. Every superhero movie, the Thanksgiving parade with those crazy floats, all that shit. That’s why I wanna move there.” Dayvon glanced at Nessa to gauge her reaction.

  “I know you’re upset you didn’t get into law school with me, but you don’t have to move to New York.”

  “You could come with me,” he added. “Apply to law school there and start over…with me. I know you’ll get in anywhere, you’re a genius.”

  Nessa’s jaw dropped.

  Cal chuckled. “Wow.”

  “Let me process that, Dayvon.” Nessa glared. “It’s my birthday, and I wanna have a good time, not deal with all of this.”

  “That’s cool.”

  “This is one hell of a party, Nessa.” Cal smiled, putting his arm around her to steady himself. Dayvon narrowed his eyes at Cal.

  * * *

  A few steps away, a young man with raven hair and black leather gloves walked with his sister.

  “I wish to see the city in the daylight again,” Fernando complained as they stopped to sit on a bench.

  “It’s better at night,” Margo reassured him.

  “I wouldn’t know the difference.” He raked his fingers through wavy hair, messy from the breeze coming off the lake. “You see those people?” He pointed to a group of three laughing and talking outside a bar.